Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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