Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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