Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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