You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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