That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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