Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
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My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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