so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize