What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize