I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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