I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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