I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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