i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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