May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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