Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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