watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize