it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
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"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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