So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize