and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
nutella sex= disaster
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I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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