Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
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I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
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my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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