so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
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Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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