all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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