Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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