Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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