You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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