Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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