So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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