I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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