I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
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Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
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This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
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I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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