you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
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Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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