I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
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she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
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Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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