Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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