The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
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You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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