So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
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i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
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