My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize