On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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