its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
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Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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