Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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