you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize