I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
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hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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