If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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