i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
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