Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize