I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize