I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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