My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize