I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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