I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
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I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
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I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
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