you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
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We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
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In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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