I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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