you guys were way drunker than both of me
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
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it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
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You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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